Orl@nd0

Did you know that the title of this post is considered "ghetto" Orlando? Me either until last week.  Apparently that's the kind of thing you learn when  you uproot your content little life from Athens,  Georgia and  move to Orlando, Florida. I asked for the password to login to a website last week and the response I received was "ghetto Orlando 01." Um, I'm sorry. What?! Please explain this ghetto nonsense. Of course, the other employees had a good laugh at my lack of ghetto Orlando knowledge.   

I've officially been living in Florida for two weeks now. I'm not technically a resident yet, but I want Disney passes so it'll happen soon! I took a job as the assistant property manager of a student housing complex here in Orlando. I'm still working for Landmark, just not at the corporate office anymore. I'm enjoying it so far, but I'm also having to continue my previous position until they hire someone new. I'm hoping it won't take much longer because I'm tired of doing two jobs already. 

I know that I've only been here two weeks, but I've already made a list of reasons why I hate Florida. Truth be told, I didn't need to move here at all to know that I would absolutely hate it, but ya do what ya gotta do sometimes. 

Let's start with the first thing you encounter: Tolls. Why pray tell, do I have to pay someone to drive on a road?! I think it is literally the most ridiculous thing. I did buy a SunPass for my car this week, but I still have the "avoid tolls" route option turned on for my GPS. The less money I have to give this state, the better. 

Then, there are SO many people here. Traffic is always awful. Stores and restaurants are always packed. It's like you can't move. Y'all know I am impatient as they come, so it doesn't bode well for me to live in such a crowded place. I've had more fits of road rage in the past two weeks than I did in my two years of living in Athens. It seems like God brought me here to teach me patience and I just want to say to whoever is praying for patience for me -- STOP IT RIGHT NOW. 

And, those people that make everything so crowded, are rude as ever. I'm certain there's not a lick of southern hospitality (or manners) in this entire state. Today I went to the mall (Florida Mall, not Mall of Millennia, because frankly I couldn't afford anything anyway so why torture myself??!). The people were so, so annoying. I had to listen to Jesus music when I got out of that place, otherwise I would have been writing this post from the inside of  a jail cell. People will just push by you, even if you're walking at a normal pace, like you're in their way. Others will just stop mid stride like there aren't a million people walking behind them. This literally happened all day long and by the end of the day I had made up my mind that the next person who just stopped walking, I was going to run right into them. Lucky for them, and me, I got outta that place before I got into any fights. I felt one coming, though. Families of 4 or 5 would just walk side by side taking up an ENTIRE walkway and wouldn't move even when you continue to walk straight towards them. Dude, please just walk BEHIND your wife for a minute to let me pass y'all. People would also just stand in the middle of the doorway to stores or in the middle of walkways and, again, not move when you were trying to go inside. WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT JUST GETTING OUTTA THE WAY OF OTHER PEOPLE?!?! No one says please, or thank you, or yes ma'am, or no sir, or anything else like it. I'm aware that Florida has not been, is not, and never will be Southern, but I need some southern down here. Y'all know I just want to walk around blessing everyone's heart because Lord knows they need all the blessing they can get! 

Lawd have mercy, y'all. It's HOT down here. I knew before I got here that Florida was hot, but it's October and well, I think that means that it shouldn't be 90 degrees every day anymore. I can't even figure out how to dress down here. I want to wear my fall/winter clothes because they're my favorite, but I can't. I'll just burn slap up if I try. I'm over my summer clothes, and most importantly, I'm a seasonal dresser so I can't bring myself to wear those now that's October. I'm all kinds of messed up in the clothing category. Any tips?! 

I'd also like to point out that it rains every single day in Florida so I'm really not sure why this is called the Sunshine state. I take a risk every time I walk outside with my hair straight. Actually,  I take a risk anytime I walk outside because humidity.  #CurlyHairProbs

Last, but most certainly not least, y'all, it is EXPENSIVE to live down here. I went into straight shock when I started looking for places to live. I was paying a measly seven hundred and fifty bucks, utilities, cable, and internet included, to live in Athens. I had a nice apartment, with plenty of room, and felt safe. Here, there's not a thing under $900 and if there is, it's because you'll have precisely 485 roommates or live next door to a crack house. Even if you find something for $900, there's not a single thing included. For anything to be included, you have to pay $1300 + each month. Even then, sometimes only trash and water are included. I could just buy a house at this point. 

Well, I could keep complaining about all the things I hate about Florida, like how far away it is from my people, but I won't. I know I'm here for a reason, so I'm going to embrace it as much as possible.  My sweet corporate work fam created a "things to do in your new city" jar and everyone put in suggestions of places for me to try out or things for me to see and do. Once I get good and settled, I'll start pulling out something every week to do. I'll be sure to write a post for each one so y'all can keep up with my Florida shenanigans. 

Sassy as always, 

AK