One year.

I remember asking my best friend, "will it ever get any easier?" She replied with "it'll still hurt, but the crying everyday will stop, so yes, it does get easier."
I think about those words today, one year later. And she's exactly right. It still hurts, but I don't cry everyday anymore, so it does get easier.

This year seems like it's passed by so quickly, yet so slowly. It seems like it's been a whirlwind of change. I've walked through a lot of hurt and loss over the course of a year, but God's steadfast love has been constant. One night, not too long ago, on my drive back to Athens from Thomson, I had a meltdown over missing my Granny, and being angry and hurt. It was exactly what I needed, though. It felt refreshing to just sit in my car and weep. Like God used my tears helped cleanse the hurt and anger I had built up in my heart, and I'm thankful for that. 

 

For a long time I was bitter about my Granny's visitation and funeral. There are so many people who SHOULD have been there. So many that should have shown up to support us, and should have been there to pay their respects to this wonderful woman that I was blessed to have as a grandmother. But they didn't. And I was hurt. People commented on Facebook posts about how much they loved her and how much she meant to them, but if that were true, there would be more than a Facebook comment from them. I guess it hurt so much because we're the "funeral family." My Daddy knows everyone from here to Texas and back, and we grew up going to visitations or funerals for every dadgum body. It didn't even matter if we actually really knew the person who passed away, we showed up to support the family if that's who we knew. Because our family does so much for others, I just expected more.
I am, however, eternally grateful for the friends and family who did show up. The ones who stayed with us for hours, the ones who brought us food, the ones who loved on us when we needed it the most. Those people hold a special place in my heart, and I could never thank them enough.

I miss my sweet Granny every single day. I still have days that I want to call and tell her news, or get in my car and drive to see her. I want to buy Ginger Snaps for her every time I run across a box. I want to hear her sing and laugh. I want to hug her, and tell her I love her. Just one more time.
Yes, it gets easier, but I still hurt. And my heart longs for the day we will all be reunited!