It's like you're my mirror.

I can't believe I'm here again.

Got off track, got depressed, and gained weight. I don't know how much, mainly because I'm afraid to find out, and I don't know when it started. But, it did and I hate it.

I can't begin to tell you the last time I really worked out.

I can't begin to tell you the last time I actually was on a "diet".

I just know that when I look in the mirror I absolutely loathe what I see.

I've struggled with being a "big girl" my whole life. Because of that, I was awkward and very shy until around my junior/senior year of high school. That's also why I over-accessorize and wear heels all the time. People notice the bling first. 

I've tried every diet known to man, and I can't seem to stick to anything. I count calories for about a month, I banish carbs from my mouth for a few weeks, but then I have that one scoop of ice cream, that one night out for sushi, or Mrs. Wan and that darn food truck comes by and it's a downhill spiral back to where I started.

"If junk food didn't make you fat". How glorious that would be. I could eat as much chips and dip as I wanted! I think that's the problem. Whoever the idiot was that said "nothing taste as good as skinny feels", clearly never had a hot doughnut from Krispy Kreme, Gordo's cheese dip, or ice cream. I could eat an entire dozen of hot glazed doughnuts, a whole cheese dip, or the 1/2 gallon tub of ice cream all by myself on most any given night. I don't ever let myself, but I could.

I know I'll never be skinny. Seriously, if you've ever met my family you understand. Skinny is not in our jeans..err, genes. It's just not. However, to be healthy can be. To be much smaller than I am now should be. To feel better about myself will be. That's why I'm writing this post.

I want to be held accountable. I want to start doing something and actually sticking to it. I want to be able to buy a whole new wardrobe because all of my clothes are too big and no longer fit me. I want to be healthy. I want to work out--even if it's just walking the track every day. I want to feel better about myself!
I'm not doing this for someone else, I'm doing it for me. I want to be able to walk in any store I choose and buy an article of clothing that fits. I want to look in the mirror and not feel gross in everything I try to wear.

Now, here's where you come in the picture. I want you to help hold me accountable in my efforts to get healthy. If  you follow me on IG or Twitter, {if not, you should be} and see me post something about ice cream or not working out or lots of food that's very unhealthy for me, say something!! Don't be rude, of course, but for real. I'm asking for this! {family is not allowed to participate. y'all are too condescending.}

There are some boundaries, of course. Don't try to make me feel guilty about having a night out and enjoying something I want. Don't tell me I should be working out when I'm watching TV. Don't talk down to me because I'm not doing as well as you think I should be. This is my journey, and I might not do weight loss the same way as you. Don't judge me for that.


I'm starting tomorrow, because everyone knows you can't start an operation get healthy in the middle of a day! I know, that will be a Tuesday and that's unheard of, but I'm going against the grain and not following the Monday routine. I can't wait another week.
So, who's going to help motivate me and hold me accountable?!

XoXo
-AK